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A few different visitors stopped by today and, as a result, we didn't leave the house this morning. I was feeling a little stir-crazy and a lot adult-deprived, so we ventured out right after naptime to run errands before our dinner playdate at Chick-Fil-A.
In the car, I talked to my friend Jesse. She casually mentioned that she had missed seeing me this morning at MOPS, to which I replied, "We had MOPS this morning?". MOPS is typically every other week and, since I had already missed it last week because of my trip to Knoxville, I assumed that the next meeting was not for another week. Apparently, this week was different. Because I wasn't there last time to be reminded, because I didn't look at my schedule, and because I somehow didn't get the reminder email... I had no idea.
As Jesse explained, I felt my throat get tight and tears well up in my eyes. Why am I crying? I got off the phone, feeling embarrassed at my reaction, and parked the car in front of Carters. Though I tried to brush it off, I couldn't.
"Where's the store, Mommy?", Cooper asked.
What is this? MOPS isn't so amazing that I should have been that upset. Yet I felt a real sadness at that moment.
"Where's the store, Mommy?"
I started dwelling on what I had missed: one of my few opportunities to be with other women, to laugh about the ridiculousness of our children, to muddle through the complexities of parenthood and marriage, to be pointed to Jesus in the midst of it all.
"Where's the store, Mommy?"
Why, Lord? That is what my heart is aching for... why would You keep me from this?
"Moooommmmy, where's the stooooore?"
It was only then that I realized that Cooper had asked me the same question probably 7 times. With my voice cracking, I said, "Buddy, I need just a minute." Then I braced myself for the whine that I knew was coming.
Only it didn't.
"Okay, Mommy."
Silence. As if he understood that I was upset. As if he was trying to care for me.
Even before I could gather my thoughts, I hear my son's little voice, quiet and clear...
"Jesus loves me, this I know, for da Bibulw tews me so. Wittuw ones to Him bewong, they ah weak but He is stwong. Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me. The Bibulw tews me so."
Out of nowhere. We had not sung that song today, maybe not for several days. I had not talked aloud to the Lord. There was no reason that he should have been singing that song at that moment.
Except that, I believe, God gave Cooper that song... for me. He was whispering, Don't forget that I love you. Don't forget that I'm here.
When Cooper finished, I thanked him sincerely for reminding me that Jesus loved me. "I needed to hear that right now," I admitted.
Even in disappointments, God's love for me has not changed. And Cooper reminded me of that.
I have so much to learn from my children....
From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise because of your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger. (Psalm 8:2)
3 comments:
thank you for that katie--i needed to be reminded of that too. you are awesome-
This is so sweet Katie. :) Thanks for sharing your tough moments in parenting, I think it makes everyone feel more normal about having their own!
i just read this and cried! know i was eating a muffin, just like being at your house (meaning 3 muffins) it was great to see you and great to hear this sweet story.
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